I have a certain feeling of paranoia today - like something is just not right in my universe. I don’t like when this happens - it makes me feel uneasy and I keep wondering why I am feeling this way and then I just get more paranoid. It might have something to do with the fact that my wife handed me a delicious Americana on the way out of the door this morning and I bolted it back before I hit the 401, but I doubt it.
It’s like my back is covered with ice water - i pull my shoulders together but it doesn’t help. At times like this I feel that life is getting away from me, like a carpet pulling out from under my feet. I feel like I am running out of time but i don’t really know what to do with the time I have. The weather is turning somber and cold and my feet are chilled because I am still wearing sandals. the globe is moving away from the sun for the 42rd time in my life. To think that fall has only happened 42 times for me makes my life seem small and insignificant. 42 is not a very big number and I will be lucky if I see 40 more falls I am sure.
The thought of being mortal is enough to make anyone’s guts turn over if you really think about it. Time is running out for each and every one of us and some people are just more aware of it than others. Today is one of the days I see my life as small and insignificant numbers.
Shit - there’s nothing I can do about it so I guess I should just try to distract myself back into unconscious living. I’m sorry for bringing you down here with me. (I know don’t apologize it is a sign of weakness)
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