Some things are beautiful even if you don't see them as they are.
These boxes were begging me to photograph them.

Another day on planet earth and nothing really out of the ordinary to write about except the fact that I keep having dreams about my deceased mother. Last night it was one with us in a car eating some weird form of oriental peanut brittle. We were eating it and talking about how it tasted rotten and that we would never buy it again - we agreed that it looked way more delicious than it tasted.

There have been other dreams too. Ones that don't really have any substance - I just wake up and feel like I have spent time with her. Others - just conversations or appearances - but for the past week she has been here in my head each night.

I find it strange because she has been gone for over 20 years and I don't spend too much time thinking about her - Years pass and you learn to even forget your own mom. The brain has strange ways of recovering from pain.

Anyways I have just been seeing her in my sleep way more often lately so I guess deep in the core of my grey-matter there is some reprogramming going on and her files came up - maybe my brain is re-indexing itself - yeah that's what it is.

Maybe the dead just come back once in a while to remind you about them.

... ooooo...spooky...

Huh? What was that?

Today there doesn't seem to be too to much on my mind. I know I was supposed to report back later - so I guess this is it ... I keep getting up really early in the morning and going to bed really late. This picture was taken for some reason - but I don't remember why. It has something to do with the colour and composition I guess but I don't really want to go into it - It's really not that good of a shot and I don't really know why it made it up but its all I felt comfortable putting up this morning. I will try and do a more interesting post later - but right now I am feeling a little burned out - there has been a lot going on for me this week and I just don't have it in me right now to give you anything good. - sorry.

Large - DAABO - Daabo - DAABO

Yeah so anyways I says to the guy...

Theres a Tim Horton's just down the road from here I went there yesterday at 8:30 am. Some guy held the door for me so I gave him seven dimes. He said thanks but I don't think that he really meant it. It seemed more like he was a kid opening Christmas presents - ok got that now lets get on to the next one. I was just an object in his assembly line of collection - after realizing this I wanted my seven dimes back. - Oh and yeah as I was waiting in line for my Large - DAABO - Daabo - DAABO the lady in front of me started to beak off about her political views and how she thought the government must have jobs for people like that and huh - why doesn't he just go get one.

It was so rewarding and enriching to hear her pontificate the political climate and the homeless. I wanted to grab her by the back of the neck and rub her face in her own shit. But somehow I doubt that would of gone over well so I just got my coffee and walked home.

There's a large bridge I cross to get back south of the Danforth and as I was crossing it I remembered the time my wife and I looked over the side and watched a bunch of EMS people cleaning up a jumper - The go trains run through there at top speed and someone launched themselves out into one. There were three piles covered with silver plastic and a bunch of stains - there must of been 30 people gathered there watching.

It made my wife sick but I found it to be kind of fascinating. It was like seeing the end of something and knowing that it really was the end. It was morbidly intimate.

Nice talk huh - Well a memory is a memory and an experience is an experience isn't that the most profound thing you ever read?

Man am I ever full of shit today.

See ya I am going to go stare at a few things and then I will report back here later.

Do you ever think like maybe your brain is going to explode? Sometimes I will just be sitting still and wondering to myself shit how can there be so much going on inside my head and how is it possible to actually make any sense out of it? It seems like there are constantly just blasts of money-shots over and over again - like in that movie braisnstorm when the guy loops his orgasmic experience and plays it over and over again until he goes into a seizure ..... It's like watching lava bubble out of the earth non-stop forever. It just keeps on going and going and going. Some times I wish there was a switch on the back of my scull that I could just switch off - but the problem would be how would you switch yourself back on?

Think about it - we could all turn ourselves off but never be able to turn ourselves back on - we would have to wait around for someone to come by and hit the switch for us - I guess we could pin notes to our shirts and write times on them - "please turn me back on at 1:30" Wow you really turned me on there - thanks.

People could just switch off at any time - it would be great if you were on a plane that was about to crash - you could just switch yourself off and then hope that someone would be able to get you back on later - when it was all over.

Click.

Thanks!

Hey - thanks - you know who you are - the ones that have made the effort to contact me and to send me the kind words. The ones that made me feel better by telling me all they have - I know this is a sappy post and sure there won't be a dry eye in the house and all that shit - but you have to give credit where credit is due - not all of my posts can be as tight as a jaybird's egg pouch - some are just bound to be a little leaky around the edges (I told myself I wasn't going to cry). You all really are helping - darn tootn' damn strait. Just had to let u know.

Shit man it sounds like I am terminal or something - poor fella got kicked out of heaven and can't get back in - cashed in his wings for a pitchfork and a scalded ass.

I went to the beach again - I tell ya it works wonders - a few straight shots of brandy and then a long walk off a short pier. It clears out the sinuses.