Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?

In the late '70s and early to mid '80s I remember loosing sleep over the end of the world. I remember watching all of those really bad apocalyptic films like Def Con 4 and Solient Green. I was sure everything was going to end at any minute. I would wake up and everyone would be dead and I was going to have to run over their dried out corpses in shopping malls to escape the rabid nuclear fallout maniacs that wanted to eat my sweet flesh.

Well I guess it is about what - 26 years later and we are all still here? There doesn't seem to be any real media attention towards the chance of the world exploding any time soon. We just hear about how we are killing each other - terrorism has replaced Armageddon.

I wonder if everyone worries about the end of the world the way I did in my early teens or if it was just a cultural stage I lived through. I surmise it was the latter because I don't see much hubbub about anything like it any more. There are no double album releases about the toils of war or death by draconian empire and a lout of mutants. It's all just about getting that sweet o'le honey pot and a bag o'cash so you can represent. Or the inner angst of the self and how it tears you apart. I miss the idea of us all getting blown to bits and then slowly dieing from fallout and tainted water. Somehow that notion seemed a little more sophisticated then the fears we see rumiating in this decade.

Radiation makes me horny.

I don't understand much any more. Most mornings I wake up with at least one why going through my head and I guess that is what keeps us going. I find that lately my writing is the only logical thing in the world. I am tired of getting caught up in the status race and loosing perspective on my own motives for doing things.

Whew - this is a heavy one huh?

The photo works for me on so many levels and I don't know why and I can't explain it to you. I was just drawn to it. For some reason it makes me think of radiation. It looks to me like she is basking in the glory of the atomic age.

If I see another GAP window display I think I am going to puke. The cycle of the consumer machine is starting to get to me - even if I still want to buy everything I see. I hate the higher level of it but still want my stuff. Give me MORE stuff. This woman has everything - don't you just know it? and If I am wrong I know one thing - she sure has a great set of tits. Whatever. I can't seem to focus today. I can't seem to get anywhere without looking at something to buy. I would like to see 1000 women standing like this one on the beach of Lake Ontario all at once. Basking in the glory of our filthy society and taking in all of the poison we have made to create things like Zip-Lock bags to take our lunch in. I hate the way we have made this planet, but it still makes me horny.