So my last post was pretty depressing - I wonder why? We are listening to Eurotrash at the office today - I am waiting for my Ipod to charge - I expedialte it to and from work listening to audio books. The drive takes about 40 minutes on a good day - sometimes I can do it in a half of an hour - other times it takes a full hour. Currently I am hearing Edgar Allan Poe - I am finding it to be very unsettling - to think that in the 1800's people like him were having thought s like me - see this could get depressing again. It could start to explaore the fact that everyting is done already so why even try to do anything. No lets not go there. We did that yesterday - or at least something like it.
Tonight I am going to my Inlaws for a BBQ - they have this big steal vat that they start a fire in and then they put a grill on it and throw all kinds of delicous meats on it. Sausage (home made), steak, panchetta, ribs and chicken. It will most likely be served with home made wine, chilled potatoes with wine vinegar, tossed green salad and so on. the meal will end with espresso and brandy shots.
The tomorrow morning I will go and see my father in Lindsay.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Fifty
In ten years I will be fifty - In the time it took to go from 0 to ten years old.
I can't even remember that time - nor can I remember from ten to twenty. Half of it was spent getting kicked in the stomach and the other half was spent either drunk or whacked out on paint thinners - Somewhere in there i lost my virginity, decided to get into advertising, and made a hell of a lot of really stupid mistakes. Yeah a very forgetful decade come to think of it.
From twenty to thirty things went pretty much the same except that I got fucked over way more and felt extemely confused - overall I think this was my most confusing time - even more than the ten-to-twenty decade. Most likely because it was serious confusion. Meaning that I knew what I was confused about, but was still confused.
From thirty to forty things started to get better - there were a few volitile years there that surely could of had things go a number of different ways - including death, substance addiction, incarceration, and social system failure - (meaning that I may of turned out to not be a very good contributer to the economy.) These years still stand pretty clear and have little distortion. But they too are fading. Time seems to fade things out like the sun. The longer you are exposed to the rinse of time the thinner things get.
I think I have actually forgotten whom I was. And I beleive that I have been a number of different people. It wasn't until about the mid-twenties that i began sculpting who I was or whom I wanted to be - I just let things turn out the way they came out and "trusted" the animialism of my social behaviour.
Things make more sense now primarily because I have decided to make sense out of them. Acutually for no other reason. So now I am taking on another ten years - and at this time I feel that these will be the make-or-break ones that will really allow me to decide where I settle. Sure when I'm fifty I will most likely have a different outlook on this - shit by then I may be a totally different person. But if I had to bet on it I would have to say that I will most likely stay pretty much the same.
The changing is pretty much over - at least that is how I see it. I feel like I am running out of time - but not in a bad way - just a more urgent feeling boils in my gut to get things done. The pacivity is weakening in me and I feel more confident taking what I want out of life and making something out of it rather than just WAITING to see what happens.
Yeah in no time at al I will be 50. And you too will be ten years older.
Just exactly where are you?
I can't even remember that time - nor can I remember from ten to twenty. Half of it was spent getting kicked in the stomach and the other half was spent either drunk or whacked out on paint thinners - Somewhere in there i lost my virginity, decided to get into advertising, and made a hell of a lot of really stupid mistakes. Yeah a very forgetful decade come to think of it.
From twenty to thirty things went pretty much the same except that I got fucked over way more and felt extemely confused - overall I think this was my most confusing time - even more than the ten-to-twenty decade. Most likely because it was serious confusion. Meaning that I knew what I was confused about, but was still confused.
From thirty to forty things started to get better - there were a few volitile years there that surely could of had things go a number of different ways - including death, substance addiction, incarceration, and social system failure - (meaning that I may of turned out to not be a very good contributer to the economy.) These years still stand pretty clear and have little distortion. But they too are fading. Time seems to fade things out like the sun. The longer you are exposed to the rinse of time the thinner things get.
I think I have actually forgotten whom I was. And I beleive that I have been a number of different people. It wasn't until about the mid-twenties that i began sculpting who I was or whom I wanted to be - I just let things turn out the way they came out and "trusted" the animialism of my social behaviour.
Things make more sense now primarily because I have decided to make sense out of them. Acutually for no other reason. So now I am taking on another ten years - and at this time I feel that these will be the make-or-break ones that will really allow me to decide where I settle. Sure when I'm fifty I will most likely have a different outlook on this - shit by then I may be a totally different person. But if I had to bet on it I would have to say that I will most likely stay pretty much the same.
The changing is pretty much over - at least that is how I see it. I feel like I am running out of time - but not in a bad way - just a more urgent feeling boils in my gut to get things done. The pacivity is weakening in me and I feel more confident taking what I want out of life and making something out of it rather than just WAITING to see what happens.
Yeah in no time at al I will be 50. And you too will be ten years older.
Just exactly where are you?
The Towering Inferno
So it seems to be summer today. Maybe things are really going to get hot - everything will burst into flames. Trees will explode like matches and turn into huge flaming torches that cover our parked cars with ash - I am feeling delusional today - it must be because of that time I was touched by an uncle.
No not in the manner you're thinking - why does everything have to be interpreted as sexual - pig.
I was touched by my magic uncle with his magic finger - kind of like ET The Terrestrial - His finger lit up and when he touched it to my forehead it felt all hot like sticking your head under a shower facet.
I have the power u know - It's true I'm magic.
Poof you are a bag of shit.
No not in the manner you're thinking - why does everything have to be interpreted as sexual - pig.
I was touched by my magic uncle with his magic finger - kind of like ET The Terrestrial - His finger lit up and when he touched it to my forehead it felt all hot like sticking your head under a shower facet.
I have the power u know - It's true I'm magic.
Poof you are a bag of shit.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
filthy talk
Yes - yes - yes. So finally I started to work on my book again - i have been avoiding it for weeks - falling in and out of love with it. Sour really the way one procrastinates things and has to rely on mood to define action - i hate that. I have been reading CHUCK PALAHNIUK's book Stranger Than Fiction - some of the stories are more boring than the Iliad - while others are extremely interesting and inspiring - i hate floating through shit to find chocolate, but you got to do what you got to do - overall the book is worth it and although there are weak moments he saves his face with some great ones -
Today there is a sheet - rock coating of ice over everything. People panicked and ran through the streets with their hair on fire. I just drove to work trying to avoid hitting too many of them on the way. Two didn't make it, and i saw a car beside me take out one that I had just narrowly missed.
There was a chunk of hair caught in the front of my Honda emblem. i noticed it flagging in the wind as i was trying to balance on the ice lathered pavement of the parking lot. I pulled it off with my leather gloves on and released it into the wind - not for sure but I thought i could smell perfume on it.
Today there is a sheet - rock coating of ice over everything. People panicked and ran through the streets with their hair on fire. I just drove to work trying to avoid hitting too many of them on the way. Two didn't make it, and i saw a car beside me take out one that I had just narrowly missed.
There was a chunk of hair caught in the front of my Honda emblem. i noticed it flagging in the wind as i was trying to balance on the ice lathered pavement of the parking lot. I pulled it off with my leather gloves on and released it into the wind - not for sure but I thought i could smell perfume on it.
Monday, January 10, 2005
David Adams Richards
Still feeling rather sour - but i did get a positive response from David Adams Richards on my first chapter submission this weekend - His reply to my work was curt, accurate and quite interesting but his handwriting is AUTROCIOUS - something i will have to get used to - so because of this i will rewrite my intro chapter and begin honeing some of the cliches out of the plot that he described - I am going to send him an outline too - this will set things up for him a little bit and then he will not have to try to figure out what my intentions are.
Yeah still ill - feeling a little feverish and my chest is taut - poor me - i have to go now I have 4 Radio spots to write for end of day tomorrow - a writer gave his shot at them but they were rather shoddy. Surprising really. I guess I really can write?
Yeah still ill - feeling a little feverish and my chest is taut - poor me - i have to go now I have 4 Radio spots to write for end of day tomorrow - a writer gave his shot at them but they were rather shoddy. Surprising really. I guess I really can write?
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