Forgivness is for Fags

Sorry about the fag comment - but it just seemed like good alliteration at the time. So it's day two at ground zero and I think that things are going to be ok - at least for the next few minutes - when I start to calculate all of my ovehead and expenses I see double and my stomach secretes an acid like substance that eats its way through my gut and travels right down into my crotch. It stings. I was walking down the sidewalk today (my wife insists we take walks) and everything went sideways - I get these pangs of guilt that I am supposed to be at work but then I realize that after six years of routine the rug has been pulled out from under me - so - things go sideways every so often.
We walked around for about an hour and then we stopped and got a coffee. The two of us sat outside and I saw this church sign staring at me from accross the street - It resonated through my bones and my brain processed the information and then it spoke to me. Yes I see it - here is the truth - the light - and the way.

"Never hold a grudge, forgivness is a gift you give yourself."
"P.S. Go Fuck yourself..."

At least this is how I read it - what do you make of it?
Ah alas peace is mine, the tranquility of admonishing rage by pure and simple choice. It even sounds heavenly doesn't it? These walks are really starting to pay off don't you think? The coffee was good and the sun was shining. I think it was about 2:30 in the afternoon. The time when I would look at my watch at the office and want to put a gun to the roof of my mouth and blow the top of my head all over the ceiling because I still had another three hours to go, and then another hour of rush-hour commuting.

All this freedom and joy, but still it's not enough to forgive anyone.

I made a list.

I think I'll go home and burn some candles, do some kind of voodoo shit, bleed out into an old lead pan, and dip a red hot dagger into my own blood. Yeah, collect my cat's hairballs and recite a few incantations, brush up on my evil eye in the mirror and so on.

I gotta go - I got shit to do.