It was late and I came out of the bathroom after taking one of the best dumps in my life. One of those after shower all-relaxed ones with a lot of volume. It was then that I saw that The Demon Feral Felines From Hell had overtaken my apartment.
There were too many to count and they all looked exactly the same - like some kind of resident evil throwback to the mid nineties. Zombie cats in my house is almost as traumatic as finding out Debby Travis has shown up and painted your favourite room green. Well actually maybe they are a little worse because they want to eat your face off. There were so many climbing, growling, clawing and The Demon Feral Felines From Hell paced around me in circles and grew in quantity. They were spilling through the windows like pails of orange rags, their four twigged paws thundering on the hardwood. Some hacked and spit up what I thought at first to be furballs but they were live black hairy spiders. The cats lurched and gagged and the spiders dropped out like spitballs and scurried under furniture.
I pissed. I just stood there and pissed. They wanted to eat my face and there were so many of them that the apartment seemed to be warming up. They moved in a wave of glowing eyes and Halloween fur. Each of them looked as if it had been licked by a cow. Their mouths rotted and billowing the stench of death. Their staggering feline ballet. I tried to back away from them but they began to pounce. One perched on my shoulder and held itself there with its talons as it yanked and jerked at my ear. They raked my scalp and pushed their noses into my eye sockets. Sandpaper tongues opening my skin. Cold velvet noses searched for hot blood as I strangled and snapped the necks of as many as I could. The Demon Feral Felines From Hell were getting the best of me and my hands swept to and fro colliding with their quantity in vain. I was sure to die by the claws paws and jaws of The Demon Feral Felines From Hell .
But then I heard a light switch and the scene changed. My wife stood looking at me confused and drawn to all of the racket that I had generated. At her feet were the two of them. The two felines that I knew to be safe. The ones that I slept against and trusted to leave my eyelids in place. The six eyes looked at me in unison and question as I cleared the sand from my own in an attempt to awake quickly. And in an instant I was sure that I saw the glint of hell within the eyes of my own felines and wondered to myself if they too were The Demon Feral Felines From Hell .
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